New Year, New Beginnings

The other morning, Paul and I sat over breakfast and came up with some goals for 2014.  I don't want to say that they are resolutions, but definite goals.  It has always been important to me that we are on the same page with goals for us as a couple, and as a family, and it was nice to know that they two of us were actually on the same page.  Our goals are "simple."

The first is to read Scripture together as a family every day.  For a while we were doing really well, then life happened.  Having a small child at the table has severely impacted us reading together before going off to work.  There are some mornings that are better than others, but we are definitely going to work harder to make this happen.

The next two goals relate to our overall goal of healthy living and losing some weight.  We want to help James establish healthy habits in life, and we need to start that ourselves.  Before Little Man was even a thought, we had been walking 3-5 days a week together.  After Little Man came, we have been hit or miss with walking as a family, some months walking 3 times total.  2014 is going to change that.  Our goal is to walk together 3 days a week.  This is in addition to the jogging I will be starting in order to train for the town 5k run that is coming up.  Additionally we have been logging what we are eating, again pretty hit or miss.  Our goal is to log 6 days a week.  This gives us a "cheat" day once a week, most likely Sundays when we have NO CONTROL over what is being served.

Personally, I have decided that I want to try to document our life over the next year by taking at least one photo a day.  There is a popular website that serves as a host for this, but I have decided to keep it on a different platform.

Day 1

This is my Little Man, the reason that I get up and go to work every morning, which resumes tomorrow.  After a fairly large meltdown this morning, and some number crunching, we realized that me going to work is still a must.  There are still bills that need to be paid, debt that needs to be eliminated, and one salary is not quite enough to take care of that.  The good news is that the end is in sight.  I know that when the cards are paid off, I will be able to stay home.  In the meantime, I have to take teaching one day at a time, some days, one class at a time and one hour at a time.  It is really pushing me to find a new job, one where I don't have to worry about bringing work home (or not bringing work home), and one where I can go on vacation whenever I want, not when students are also on vacation.  This little guy keeps me going every day.  I have pictures of him all over my desk, reminding me why I am working.

Giving Thanks

Every year I have the intention of doing the ever so trendy "What I'm thankful for today" posts, and every year I forget.  Here I am, 18 days into November, a week and a half out from Thanksgiving, and just sitting down to start thinking about it.  With all the craziness of school lately, and with how down I've been about it, it's been very hard for me to actually sit and identify some of the things I am thankful for, but here goes nothing.

1 - Being able to go out to lunch with Paul.  Being a teacher I have so few opportunities to have lunch with anyone other than my department members, having a lunch date is wonderful
2 - Having the money to buy groceries, without having to worry about whether or not we would have enough to eat for the week
3 - Serving as part of the Medical Team at church, and NOT having to respond to any emergencies
4 - A Monday when I wasn't observed.
5 - Walking by the side of Paul through life for the last 9 years, sharing the adventure of marriage for the last 2

Flowers Paul gave me for our anniversary

6 - A little boy who seems to be growing up so fast, and wanting to be so independent.

Little Man drawing all by himself

7 - An amazing small group to meet with every week and dive into Scripture, and share the trials and triumphs of life with
8 - A mother-in-law willing to watch Little Man for the weekend so Paul and I could get away for our anniversay
9 - Spending the day with just Paul, and not worrying about James...and an amazing date night dinner at King's Arms Tavern in Colonial Williamsburg

Fountain outside Jamestown Historic area

10 - A fast trip home from Williamsburg, and a crying baby when we got home.  Thankful for tears because when he finally calmed down, realizing Mommy and Daddy were home, the smiles were HUGE and the cuddles were much needed
11 - All the men and women who have served our country.  Especially thankful for all my family members who have served, and the spouses and children who served at home.
12 - Snowflakes, even just a few, to distract myself and my students.
13 - A job that I can come to every day, and a mission field that can be so difficult.  I love my students, and hate what education has become, but thankful that I can come into this place everyday and try to be a consistent face for some of my students who have no consistency in their life.

work...planning...trying to find time to tach

14 - A laughing fit with a class for a good 15 minutes.  A great way to relieve some of the tension of school
15 - Homemade pizza and adult beverages.  A night at home, catching up on missed television shows.
16 - An unexpected check in the mail, that way we can have dinner with friends on Thursday evening and not have to "borrow" from next week's food budget or the savings account
17 - FABULOUS children's ministry at church.  I know I can drop Little Man off and not have to worry about his well being while I help with older students and worship myself
18 - A beautiful day outside so that my failed lab doesn't stink us completely out of the classroom...and the fact that the guy next door was being observed, meaning I am off the hook today.

Seems I have caught up...for now.  It makes me a little sad that for just one month, I can't take 5 minutes to think about what I've been thankful for thday day.  I have plenty of time to check Facebook statuses, Tweets and Instagrams pictures, but I just "don't seem to have enough time" for reflecting on what really matters.  This has to change.  My attitude has to change about work, and money and life in general.

What is...

For as long as I can remember I wanted to teach.  In high school I had a couple amazing science teachers, and decided to pursue chemistry.  Looking back, the first year was great.  I had a full course load of six chemistry classes.  I planned one night, graded papers the next night, and had a little bit of a life outside the classroom.  Then I was transferred.  The school I was teaching at had a decrease in population due to redistricting to accommodate a new building that was opening.  This meant positions had to be cut, and positions were cut based on seniority, not the grades taught.  The year I left there were enough students taking chemistry to need a second chemistry teacher, but because I was the newest hire, I was the one who was moved.  Fortunately there was an opening at another building, so there I went.

I went from a school where most of the students had some ambition in life to either go to community college, a four year college or a tech school right out of high school to a school where almost half the students just want to graduate HIGH SCHOOL.  Some of these students would be the first in their family to graduate high school.  Most squeak by passing classes with straight Ds, very few want to pursue some sort of higher education.  I was lucky enough my first year with the Warriors to teach two sections of chemistry, the rest biology.  My attitude that year was different.  Instead of thinking that teaching would be cake, that these kids could go far in chemistry, I realized that I had to not only teach chemistry, but also math.  This was 2007, and I am still a Warrior.  Over the years I have realized that I am in this particular building for a reason.  Some of the kids need an adult who will listen to them and encourage them.  Some need a safe place to be during the day, but almost all still need me to teach them algebra.  I have never been able to cover as much content as I did my first year.  I have had more students fail as a Warrior.  I have never felt more defeated than I do this year, and wondered what has changed over the years.

In the seven years that I have been teaching I have grown seven years older, watched my first group of Warriors graduate high school, and many of them are heading into their senior year of college, gotten married, and had a child.  Of all those things, I have thought about which one or ones have changed me the most.  It was having a child.  I knew being a working mother was going to be hard.  Not just dropping off Little Man every morning with someone, but knowing that in the evening I would have a short amount of time with him before he went to bed, only to start thinking about work for the next day.  The work of a teacher is never ending.  This year I haven't brought a lot of work home, but I am always thinking about what's next.  What I am teaching, which kids I would love to see stay home, how I will impress administration if they HAPPEN to pop into my room.  It's exhausting.  Lately I've even been thinking about how I can manage to stay home next year.  That's the hardest for me.  Knowing that for my family I need to work, knowing that for my family I need to be home with our son.  If it weren't so vital that I replace my entire salary, it would be easy for me to stay home, work part time tutoring, but I can't make enough money tutoring to stay home.

It's not that I think Little Man isn't being well taken care of at day care.  I know he is.  The family watching him are wonderful friends of ours.  They are his godparents, and love him like one of their own sons.  My attitude needs an adjustment.  Not only does my amazing son need me, but so do my 100 students.  They need me to be present every day, I need to be focused on them, not on my new dream.  I am confident that eventually I WILL be able to be home with Little Man, and maybe at that point we will start thinking about more children of our own.  One of my dreams is to be home with Little Man and to be able to homeschool him.  I am sure that this will happen, at some point.  Right now my patience is being tested, and instead of focused on the "what could be," I need to start focusing on the "what is."