Final Push

The final push to get ready for Christmas has come upon us.  We are trying to do a top to bottom cleaning of the house, baking Christmas cookies, and trying to relax a little before family comes in on Saturday. 

The house is starting to look like Christmas.  We have the tree up and decorated with wrapped presents under it (although the cats have tried to open a few), Nativity and Advent candles are on the mantle, stockings are hanging in front of the fireplace, wreathes are on the doors, candles are in the windows, garland is on the balcony, and cards are on display.  With all that done, it may not seems like there is much left to do, but windows need to be washed, the house dusted, floors cleaned, random stuff put away, cookies made, laundry done, and last minute gifts put together.  Not to mention me having to run up to school so I have an idea of where I need to pick up when I go back in January, me having to get my haircut and other random errands that need to be don between feedings for James.

Yesterday I was able to get part of the last gifts taken care of.  We decided to stuff stockings with hot chocolate and homemade marshmallows.  While James was swinging, I was able to make the marshmallows, and this morning was able to cut them apart.  They still need to dry out a little, but overall look great and smell amazing.  I used Ina Garten's marshmallow recipe, and have been pleased with it.  Her directions say that you should be able to flip the marshmallows out of the pan that they are in, but I was not able to do that, so I improvised.  I cut the big marshmallow down in the pan, then used the smallest spatula that I have to take them out.  For the final dusting, I decided to put them in a zipper bag with powdered sugar and "Shake-n-Baked" them so to speak.  With as easy as this recipe was, and how inexpensive it is to make, I don't know that I would buy marshmallows again.  They do take a bit of planning, but could easily be made while dinner is being made.

With the hustle and bustle of this last push before Christmas, I am finding it very difficult to relax and really savor the season, and the reason that we are celebrating.  It is very difficult for me to really just focus on what is going on, knowing that the list of things to do seems to be getting longer and longer each day.  Every time I slow down to take a deep breath, I almost feel guilty, because there is so much to do, and at the same time, all I want to do is savor every minute that I have with James.  Knowing that I have to go back to work in just 2 weeks is tearing me apart.  Thinking about going back and seeing teenagers in their groups makes me panic.  Knowing that someone else is going to be caring for my dear son during the day, makes me cry.  I am terrified that I am going to miss milestones while I am caring for someone else's child, and for the first time, I fear that one day I may have to protect my students just as those 6 teachers in Connecticut did.  That is what terrifies me most about going back to school.

If nothing else, this Christmas season I have learned that I need to slow down more, now and every day.  I can't take any moment with James for granted, and that each day is a blessing.